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Malibu Monthly Magazine article about Greg Mooers
GREG MOOERS
FROM MONK TO MOTIVATOR
COMPILED BY JANICE BURNS
How does it feel when someone really listens
to you without an ulterior motive? It feels wonderful, and
when people listen to us we can gain great insights and clarity
about our lives. Greg Mooers was a monk for eight years and
spent more than 15,000 hours in silent meditation. He has
dedicated his life to Listening because “everything
in life improves when you become a better listener.”
This simple but rare act requires that we withhold our conclusions
and expectations and believe in others enough to be curious
and ask questions about their intentions for their future.
Greg has worked with hundreds of clients to improve their
relationships with themselves, their partners, and their children.
His tools are the simple techniques of proactive listening.
Greg asks people questions about their life,
probing into their favorite experiences and what they most
want for their future and then shares back what he hears others
saying about themselves. “By sharing back the spirit
of what they tell me without coloring their words with my
own interpretations, judgments, or the desires I have for
them, my clients get to see with crystal clarity and self-
confidence exactly who they are and where they stand. It is
such a delight to see their behaviors automatically align
with their ambi- tions. We all admire people who are making
a passionate contri- bution in life -- sometimes we admire
them so much we almost resent them. That’s why the gossipy
tabloids target famous and successful people, “If you
can join them, beat them!” Best of all is when you don’t
have to beat them or join them, because you know who you are,
so you can really listen to others without feel- ing threatened
or compelled.
Mooers, 40, grew up in New Jersey and, after
graduating from the Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken,
he went to work for Intel. Eventually, he started his own
company, designing custom database management software in
Dallas, TX. The business was successful, but one day as he
peered out his office window Greg realized that the pinnacle
of success on the road he was traveling was not what he really
wanted. “What do I want?” he asked him- self.
The answer was “I want to know my soul.” ‘This
answer was so overpowering,” says Greg, “that
two months later I found myself living in a monastery”.
Greg took the four monastic vows of chasti- ty, simplicity,
obedience and loyalty and he was very committed to the process.
After seven years there, Greg began to experience a longing
to make a greater contribution. “I was forcing a lifestyle
that wasn’t best for my temperament, and I guess it
was pretty obvious because one day a sweet old monk said to
me, “You know, a bird should not say, “I will
be a dog.” I didn’t feel I could leave because
the day I entered the monastery (I remember driving in through
the big iron gates), I heard a voice say, “Welcome home.”
The day I left the monastery to start a new life, I was quite
sur- prised, as I drove out those big iron gates, to hear
the same voice say the same words.
After leaving the monastery Greg spend time
in China, Japan and India where he got clarity about his life’s
purpose. A few months later at a seminar in Hawaii he met
interior designer Bobi Leonard and proposed on the second
date. In the monastery he had learned about what makes marriages
work and fail and, says Greg, “I knew what to listen
for, and when I met Bobi I knew we could spend the rest of
our lives together, because our relationship is not based
on compatibility or likes and dislikes. We share a common
goal -- we both want to please God. Any relationship can work
if the foundation of that relationship is a common goal that
is supremely important to each person.” The two now
live by the coast in Pacific Palisades.
Have you ever tried to change someone else?
How did it work out for you? Most of us are well aware of
how painfully ineffective it is to try to change in others,
but we keep trying and trying. The rea- son for this is that
we are actually supposed to help each other change and deep
down we know this, but the methods we use often have the opposite
effect. People do things for their own rea- sons, and so the
way to change others is to listen to them with deep attention
so that they can get clarity about their own reasons. When
we listen to others with curiosity and courage we open up
a vacuum that invites the other person to blossom into that
space. Our desire to help others is really a desire to assist
them in help- ing themselves. Whenever we give someone an
answer instead of helping them to find their own answer, we
disempowered them. But if we can withhold our conclusions
and expectations and know-it-all attitudes in our conversations
with others, delightful and strange things happen: The first
thing that happens is that instead of our repeating something
we already know, we learn new things from others. We also
get to be part of an amazing process of seeing others discover
a place of wisdom within themselves. The third and most profound
benefit of listening to others is that they will give us credit
for th~wisdom they discovered even though we are not the source
of that wisdom. It makes for amazing and beautiful relationships.
“The power of listening has been so
profound in my own life, it has given me clarity about who
I am and my greatest gift to others claims Greg. “There
is one thing about you that is the source of all your fulfillment,
happiness and prosperity, and I will prove it to you.”
“My gift, the source of fulfillment, happiness and prosperi-
ty, is helping people identify their vocation.” Greg
says that every- one has a vocation, a career and a business.
Your vocation is what you are called to do in life, your career
is how you choose to offer it to others, and your business
is what it looks like to them. Most people know what their
career and their business is but they do not know what their
vocation is, and surprisingly, one’s vocation is not
that hard to identify. What kind of situations gives you goose-
bumps and that rush of love that goes through your body? And
what is it that causes you to become intolerant of some form
of human injustice? For each person these two questions have
the same answer. For Mother Teresa the answer was “Compassion,”for
Martin Luther King the answer was “Brotherhood,”
and for Gandhi the answer was “Peaceful Liberation.”
What is it for you? Is it “Loyalty” or “Honesty”
or “Freedom”. Greg has worked with hundreds of
clients, and he has been able to prove to each one of them
that there is one thing, like spiritual DNA built into their
molecules, that is defining their values, determining their
beliefs, and dictating their behaviors. He claims that this
one thing is always a beautiful commitment to make a contribution.
Q: So tell me Greg what’s it like living
in a monastery?
A: Well, it’s a very safe place, and a very simple place.
No TV, one movie a month (heavily edited) and a lot of peace
and quiet. I remember one of the senior monks telling me early
on, “You can be just as spiritual as you want here.”
Since the environment is so pure and you live in close quarters
with other monks for so many years, your faults standout like
a red beacon. You learn to have patience with your self intolerance
of others. One monk was once asked, do you practice any austerities?
He answered, “Yes, community living.”
Q: Do you have any secrets you can share from
this mysterious cloistered world?
A: Oh sure: perhaps the biggest is the misconception that
because monks renounce material wealth, they live in poor
conditions. For example, during religious holidays, members
of the church thought that we poor monks had nothing, so many
of them made special arrangements for little sweets and gifts
to be given to us during these periods. The most common of
which was desserts. So, if you’re going to be a monk
you’re going to have to learn to eat a lot of chocolate.
Q: What is the most common question people
ask you when they find out you were a monk?
A: Almost everyone is very respectful. It is kind of fun to
see peo- ple review the conversation up to the point they
found out I was a monk to make sure they didn’t say
anything “wrong”. It is unfor- tunate that religious
organizations do tend to be very judgmental and have a reputation
for having rigid opinions. You see it in peo- ple’s
faces sometimes. They look at you like, “You were a
monk! Are you crazy! What made you do that!?” I guess
the answer is that I wanted to know my soul.
Occasionally, someone musters up the question,
“You mean like a monk that has, like, no sex? At all!?”
Chastity was one of my vows, but it’s like anything
else; if you make up your mind 100 percent about it, it’s
easy, going 95 percent of the way is really difficult. There
are some great benefits to chastity, I did the work of three
men. And think about much of the most amazing fine art: sculp-
tures and paintings and illuminated manuscripts are religious
in nature. It’s another way to channel creative energy
Greg offers audio products, classes and private
sessions for those who want to get clarity about their true
vocation and improve relationships.
For more information call 310-230-9949 or
check out his website www LifeCamp.com, for Coaching and Tapes:
“Listening For Prosperity and Peace” 90 minutes
$20,
“Spiritual Communication” 90 minutes $20.
His next class is “Listening for Better Relationships”
in Pacific Palisades. Private Sessions:
Call for a free consultation 310-230-9949
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